War Has Been Waged!

Last night, was insane. A spiritual war was waged on my life right in front of my own eyes! I started my bed time routine, listened to some worship music and read the rest of Acts 5 like Pastor Brody challenged us to do! (oh ya first time I actually did a bible reading challenge! *self high five*) Then I picked up R.A. Dickeys book and started to knock out a couple chapters… and then I could feel a shift, I could feel that tired feeling physically leave my body and I knew immediately that something wa going to be shown to me. 

So I said a quick prayer, and picked up the bible. I started to read Acts 6, but there was a whisper that said “watch a sermon”. So I got out of bed headed to my laptop and started scrolling for the sermon I was supposed to watch.  Strangely youtube was acting weird and wouldn’t me access my subscriptions normally and I wa drawn to someone I follow but it was (unknown to me) there Easter Saturday service. The title was Stripped Away https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a–uPzqivf0

As it went on it became more and more apparent that I was meant to see it for its title. Stripped Away. All the things of my past are both good for me and bad for me. I have begun to try and use it for good, which god has fueled and allowed me to keep doing, but it is also not being used to its full capacity because I am holding on to it. I have believed for so long the lies and the evil that my life has brought me that I now where those markings like name tags. Pastor John goes on to talk about how when Jesus rose he left these strips of linen in the tomb. One of those strips had my name on it, with everything in my life I have ever done or will ever do, the good the bad the beautiful the ugly. He took that strip and dipped it in his blood, so that I didn’t have to WEAR IT ANYMORE! When he said that, I could feel a shift… something was coming.

I went to bed, put on some worship music and tried to sleep. Something weird happened I couldn’t hear the music anymore. I was fully awake because I sat up a bit and turned it up, laid back down and couldn’t hear it again! So I just tried to close my eyes… DEMONS, my eyes fired open I cranked the music and tried again, more demons. I turned a night light on thinking it might help. NOPE. Now I was seeing things with my eyes open and with my eyes closed. It wasn’t just demons, it was things that are controlling my life and HAVE been controlling my life. Everytime I closed my eyes, the shadows turned into naked women, or I was put into a porn scene. Some REALLY obscene. Others turned into drugs, sometimes both. Fighting and being violent etc. what was strange was I couldn’t get angry… like my go to place to go where I feel safe… I couldn’t! So I prayed for strength I prayed for peace, I prayed to be shown what was causing this… And that’s when it happened. I went to that place between dead sleeping and fully awake. Where you can feel EVERYTHING but can’t really do anything to stop it. 

So now I’m in a fight, but one that I cant win anymore. I am offered drugs and instantly take them, theres women everywhere all naked all throwing themselves at me and as disgusted as I am I cant get them off of me. I run. They are there. Eventually I stop fighting and just give in. But its like the more I give in, the slower things become. I cant run anymore. I can barely walk or crawl. I cant escape. I am drowning in my vices and my transgressions. 

Its like I was put on the front lines of my own fight, being shown just how impossible it is to win without God backing me up. Something was being shown to me… like a warning… or a gift. There was something stirring inside of me before I went to bed, and immediately a war was waged on me. I was shown just how incapable of fighting this fight on my own. I woke up in a sweat, sore like I just got off a battle field. But I wasn’t afraid, I still am not afraid. I am filled with… fire! I don’t know what to do with it! I am exhausted that’s for sure. But its amazing to be in this uncharted territory for me. Something is changing in me and someone DOWNSTAIRS is scaareeeedddd. I am going to be attacked and hard I can feel it, its one of the things I’ve taken from this so far. I wont survive without god and the church. I need help So now Im asking for it, how to to KEEP asking for it. 

Stuart told me of the fight Jacob had with the angel and how after fighting the angel finally said enough is enough and laid a finger on him and won. Proving that God is so much stronger than anything that can come to kill steal and destroy us. I just don’t know what to fully make of this or really how to call on god to help me when these attacks come. I am ready (I think) to step into my role in this fight for Gods glory. But I cant do it alone.